I love adventures and travelling.
What else do you write? It says ‘Bio’ like it expects you to understand. ‘Write about myself’? How is that supposed to be attractive?
‘NO HOOKUPS ONLY FRIENDBOAT’
So it’s a sales pitch. A ‘Yo check me out i’m 7’11” and thas not even my height 🍆💦😎’ for every ‘Tall boys only, if you can’t grow a beard find another app.’
It’s the economics of attraction. An ocean full of fish eager to hook onto a large rig, and a lone fisherman trying to catch a Megamouth with his rod.
A fishing rod u naughty u.
It’s also about targeted advertising. Sure, rejections are inevitable, but some are likely to be curious. A ‘goth freak’ for every ‘fair girls only’. But don’t lay all your cards down — that’s not how attraction works.
Entice them, foster a lingering feeling of unquenched wonder, make them so inquisitive for what’s coming that they just have to know. It’s about optics. A devil-may-care attitude masking deep emotional scarring gets you swipes like dollar bills at a strip club.
*background sobbing intensifies*
An ‘I once chopped off my… Sorry, you’ve reached your Bio limit for the day. Swipe right to read more’ for every ‘Only compatible with Gemini, Aquarium and Caprisun (orange flavour).’
But remember to filter out the noise.
You can’t spend your precious time exchanging bad puns with some loser who writes misspelt poetry. And why would you date someone that doesn’t support Donald Trump? How would that work?
‘Right of centre or gtfo’ is popular, but personally, I think you should set up an orgy with the members of parliament for some post-second date fun. It shows real dedication.
And yes, I said second date u thirsty [versatile agricultural hand tool].
Remember, you have no right to avoid mentioning that you’re a foodie, but if all else fails, leave it blank. Most people do. If you’re scalding hot (like me) it won’t matter. Besides,
“A picture’s worth a thousand words.”
⁃ Clarisse Renaldi, former Queen of Genovia
And tbh, I really hate adventures and travelling.
Atomic Oblivion 